One is not Amused
by Patrick the Stump
Summary: What do you do when you find your best friends muse having a tea-party on the end of your bed - turn the castle upside down looking for said friend, of course. Especially when your own troublesome muse is just so not a-muse-ing at all.


**A/N** – This is dedicated to the absolutely amazing Rae, who I love lots and lots and is basically boss and awesome and has creepy dreams about our muses having a tea party.

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><p><span>One is not a–muse–d<span>

I woke up to the sound of breaking China and a loud, unearthly cackle that chilled my insides. Oh No. I knew that cackle anywhere – it was Echo, my twisted, psychotic muse. The very same one that possesses me to write Snarry once every blue moon. The crash was followed by a high-pitched skwark and a muffled thud.

I sat up, heart pumping, wondering if that really was who I thought it was. I closed my eyes, bracing my self for the worst, and quickly, like ripping off a band-aid, I tore open the curtains.

At the bottom of my bed, looking very much like a unicorn caught in the headlights, sat Echo. Beside it, lay a purple blob. But it was not just an ordinary purple blob like the kind you would expect to find around Hogwarts on a regular basis, no - This was a lilac, moustachioed, feathered blob, with an orange beak and large, bulging eyes. It was Lorenzo.

I'd only seen Lorenzo a handful of times. He was a muse of a friend – and was, as I was informed, a flightless, wingless, legless owl. The kind that only comes out in occasional flurries, to write meaningless crackfics filled with innuendos or long, angsty prose that tend to be filled with excessive angst, incest or slash. He was a strange one, that owl. Unstable at best, Havoc-wreaking at worst.

The owl, which had toppled over in surprise, blinked confusedly. I sat very still, watching as Echo dipped an Oreo into his cuppa, and Lorenzo sipped his coffee through a straw. Neither broke eye contact with me.

I pounced. Being the size of a baby goblin tended to be a disadvantage when it came to scraps, but being twice as vicious? Well, that I could live with.

I caught Echo in my fist, shoving him into the pocket of my dressing gown, lunging for Lorenzo, who was making a roll for it, using his moustache to propel his way forward. I picked him up by one of his pointed ears, and held him at eyelevel, examining him. The little owl was shaking with rage, spitting obscenities in owl Language, something that only Owly, his owner, would understand.

I paused for a moment, wondering what the Jolly Rodger I was to do with an excitable red panda and a demented owl who refused to stay put in their writer's heads were they belonged.

I couldn't keep them in the dormitories over night – I was already immensely surprised that the pair hadn't woken up the fellow residents of Slytherin house. The other girls in my dorm, however, seemed to still be fast asleep.

I got up, stepping into my slippers, and on a whim, shoved Lorenzo into my pocket alongside Echo.

~xx~

I picked my way through the Slytherin common room, which was littered with the bones of those petulant first years. It was their own fault that they hadn't paid any attention to the height restriction on the water slide in the Chamber of Secrets – some of them were even smaller than me, and that was saying something.

I climbed the steep steps leading up from the dungeons, hoping to find Owly, give her back Lorenzo and maybe get some sleep before my potions test in the morning. It was dark, and I made my way through the corridors and up the stairs without any problems whatsoever. Lorenzo was screeching loudly in my pocket, Echo humming a fast, familiar waltz.

I climbed to the top of Ravenclaw tower, my legs feeling considerably sore after the long climb, and not for the first time I cursed my friend for living at the opposite end of the castle.

I knocked noisily on the eagle doorknob, already dreading the question it was going to ask me.

A long, chiming voice rang out "What goes around the castle, and in the castle, but never touches the castle."

I stared blankly at the eagle, as it smiled smugly at me.

I kicked the door hard. I had been awoken by an owl and a panda, duffed the two of them up, walked up half a mile of stairs and now, after all that, I couldn't even give Owly Lorenzo back.

"Let me in," I yelled, hitting the door, "You stupid, stupid door."

I went to pound my fist against the wood once more, but found thin air in its place instead. Standing amongst the air was a snooty, horse-faced prefect with narrow eyes and hair slicked back into a tight pony tale.

"Go away," muttered the prefect dangerously, "You're not a Ravenclaw, you're not welcome here, and some of us need our beauty sleep."

I snorted at the girl, and mumbled, "I'd give up, if I was you. It's obviously not working."

"What," snapped the girl.

"Nothing," I smiled sweetly, opening my blue eyes wide, trying to feign innocence, but probably just creeping her out a bit, "I was just wondering. Well, if maybe, you knew were Owly was?"

"Owly?" said the prefect, sharply, "Who on earth is Owly?"

I smiled, shaking my head at the prefect, "Owly – don't you know Owly? You know, the creeper who always has that swarm of owls buzzing around her? You know the one?"

"Oh, her?" said the Ravenclaw derisively, "Well, the owls were leaving droppings everywhere. We sent her to the Hufflepuffs, who were more accepting of such things. She's sleeping there tonight, I think." And with that, the prefect slammed the door in my face.

~xx~

I traipsed down all those flights of stairs again, this time whistling along with Echo as he waltzed. I was lucky, really, that I hadn't encountered Filch or Peeves or –

"Meow,"

I ducked behind a suit of armour quickly as Mrs Norris idled past, her nose in the air and ears back, out on the prowl.

As I turned around, my hand brushed against something rather furry. I glanced down, and popping out of my pocket was Lorenzo, his eyes wide with horror as he watched the cat parade up and down the hallway.

Lorenzo made a loud squeak, then another, then another. The more I tried to hush the owl, the more hysterical it became. Soon the corridor was filled with unbearably loud shrieking noises, still accompanied by Echo's whistling. I started to panic; someone was bound to find us.

"What the devil is going on here?" a loud, booming voice echoed through the night, and I deflated, all hope was lost, now.

"Miss White!" snapped the greasy, hook-nosed professor, "Why are you wandering the corridors out of hours – waking up half the castle while you're at it!"

"I – I – I," I stuttered, Snape glaring maliciously at me, "I was trying to find Owly, to return her muse to her – it ran off, you see."

"This time," said Snape, "I will not take points. I hardly believe your childish misdemeanours are serious enough to make us loose the house cup, to Gryffindor of all people. I am not a-muse-d, though" the corners of his mouth twitched.

I sighed in relief – Snape had always had a soft spot for the Slytherins.

I always knew there was a good reason that Harry was in love with him, I thought to myself.

~xx~

I walked, defeated, back towards the Slytherin common room. I was just about to descend the stairs, when I heard loud, familiar footsteps coming from behind me.

"Rae," shouted Owly, her face panic-stricken and her eyes wide – her not quite ginger her whipping out behind her and her face an unattractive red colour, "I've lost Lorenzo, Rae. I think he's rolled off again. I sat down to write, and my mind was empty. Oh Merlin, Rae, have you seen him?"

I pulled out Lorenzo from my pocket, grinning as I passed her the muse, who, considering things, looked rather happy to be back with his writer.

"Thank you so much, Rae," Owly beamed, petting Lorenzo's head fondly.

"No worries," I smiled, "I think I'll get some writing done myself – I've just thought of this really cool Snarry plot!" Owly rolled her eyes.

My eyes widened with shock, as I tried to recall my plot. I couldn't remember a thing. I tapped my pocket, already fearing for the worst.

"Echo!" I yelled, as Owly and I sprinted rather slowly, due to our painfully low fitness levels, towards the fluffy read tail, which had just disappeared around the corner.

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><p><strong>AN** - So, what'd'ya think? Review, maybe?

Oh and if you know the answer to the riddle, let me know!


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